I’m a real woman. A real, live, flesh-and-blood embodiment of femininity. I’m not a size 2, I don’t have perfectly applied makeup at all times, my hair isn’t always perfectly styled, and I’m not going to wear a push-up bra, a dress, and stilettos to stand in the kitchen and make you a gourmet six-course breakfast, but I am still beautiful, even in my sweatpants and a Metallica t-shirt with no makeup and messy hair while the bacon pan is smoking, the toast is burning, and the eggs are getting cold. I’ll foolishly and secretly compare myself to the models in my favorite magazine, knowing full well that they’re airbrushed and made-up, while joking that I could look like them if I got paid to starve myself, too. I will not live on dry lettuce so that your friends think you have the most beautiful woman in town, but I will make damned sure that everyone knows I’m more in love, devoted, and supportive than any man could ever ask. I will not place your worth solely on the money you spend on gifts for me, but rather on the time you spend making sure I know how much you love me. I may not be able to have a witty, intelligent conversation about politics with you over the newspaper on Saturday mornings, but I will listen to every word you say, and I will smile at the passion you have in what you believe. I may have to make you stop at too many rest stops on long car trips so I can go and pee, but I won’t yell at you when you pull to the side on a deserted stretch of road to do the same. I might not be willing to go camping out in the woods for a weekend in the middle of summer, but I will sit with you on the front porch, drinking a beer, watching the summer thunderstorms. I might ask you to be too affectionate in public, but it’s only because I want everyone to know that you’re the only one I want. I will curl up on the couch with my head in your lap while we watch old MST3K episodes together. I will make sure that you have plenty of time with your guy friends, as long as I have my girl time. I will be your housekeeper, personal chef, goddess, wife, lover, partner, muse, biggest fan, best cheerleader, and the love of your life. All I ask is that you be yourself, love me even when my mascara runs, kill the spider in the bathtub, hold me when I’m scared, and let me know just what I mean to you.
