About 6-8 months ago, my primary care physician attempted to start me on a specific type of treatment (which I don’t feel like describing more specifically here) to treat an issue I’ve had for several years (which I also don’t feel like describing more specifically here). After 4 months of this treatment, it became apparent that my system was not going to tolerate any of the medications that were required. She put me on, and subsequently took me off of, one medication after another before abandoning the idea of the treatment. There were quite a few different reasons (read: side effects) that caused me to decide I wasn’t able to tolerate the medications, and to cause her to say it was no longer safe to proceed. One of these side effects was an extreme increase in the frequency (and severity) of my migraines.
I’ve had migraines for years and years now, and the frequency has changed, depending on stress-levels, other medical issues, medications, and other triggers. On average, I’d get one every month, or every few months. They’d be moderate usually, and rarely ever severe. They usually only lasted a day or so, and would go away on their own if I just slept a bit. For the past several months (since early this year, basically) they have been intolerable in length, frequency, and severity. I’ve been having more days WITH migraines than I have without. They’re lasting for more than 7 days at a time, and have been more severe than anyone can tolerate. Today, in an effort to remedy this issue, I went back to the neurologist.
To make a long, boring story shorter, but no less boring, he did a full exam and decided to prescribe a medication I took previously. It helped a bit with my seizures, and kept the migraines well-controlled. That being said, I’m not happy about taking it again. The name of the medication is topiramate. (The name brand is Topamax.) I’m sure you think I’m insane for not wanting to take it, considering the fact that it did so much to help. The reason I don’t want to take Topamax again is because of its side effects. It causes changes in taste, inability to concentrate/focus, aphasia, paresthesia (pins-and-needles sensation in the extremities that, for me at least, was so severe that it would often have me in tears), burning and/or numbness, slowed reaction time, difficulty speaking, memory issues, coordination difficulties, confusion, nervousness, aggression, irritability, depression, fatigue, excessive movement, tremors, excessive thirst, digestive issues, dry mouth, skin problems, hair loss, and sleep disturbances. Now, you might read those and think, “They’re really not so bad.” Understand that I had *ALL* of those issues while I took topamax, and I had them without relief. The pain from the paresthesia was severe. The issues with concentration, focus, speech, motor skills, memory, and reaction made me feel like a complete and utter idiot. I typically pride myself on my ability to use words to paint a very clear, concise picture. When I was on Topamax, I was barely able to string together a proper sentence without feeling like a moron. The tremors were so severe at times that I couldn’t settle in to sleep at night.
I’m starting tonight, at 25 milligrams every night at bedtime. Next week, I’ll increase to 25 milligrams at night, and 25 milligrams in the morning. I’m not looking forward to having to deal with all of this again. The years I spent on this medication previously were damned near torturous, and I doubt that much will be different this time. I wish that, just once, I could choose between intolerable and tolerable, instead of having to choose which hell I prefer. I’m hanging in as best I can, but it’s really hard to keep going when you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
